I'm not dead. Fancy that. They came to snuff the rooster, so I pelted their ass with a paintball gun I attached to the 300 gallon air compressor set to 180 psi.

Anyway, dear old friends, figured you could use a pick-me-up, so the news of my demise will just have to do. Gonna go kill myself so I can be a zombie when I grow up. Wheeeeeeeeee!


(Haven't been suicidal in a year, so chill)

I'm copying this directly from my journal on OkCupid.com, since I made the post sooooo damned long, attempting to hit 1000 words, and raise my progress meter that much more.

--------------
Every time I come to this site, I see that profile completeion progress bar, and it now says "Add a long post to your journal to get to 83%"

...Being the gamer that I am, I feel that I MUST fill this bar, if only to see what comes afterwards. I've already answered or skipped well over 600 questions, and I almost feel like this website is a game. Not that dating is a game, but this website sure feels like one.

It's like no other site I've been to before. I've played turn based browser games before, but those had no sense of accomplishment, as I could never get anywhere near the high score. With this site, I feel that each thing I do brings me one step closer to finding someone, a step closer to being happy.

I'd taken the Dating Persona test shortly after joining, and it rated me as The Boy Next Door, and basically told me that I have absolutely no chance with girls. I already knew this, but it was something I needed to hear anyway.

STORY TIME

When I was younger, about 17 or so, I'd dropped out of high school, and was living with my mother in the oh so great town of Catoosa. After walking a good 2 miles to the library several times to use the computers, I found some friends, and we started walking all over that town. One day I decided that a second personality would be kinda fun, a separate persona where I felt I was less to blame for the things I did. Thus Darian was born. Darian is a complete and total asshole, and would probably kill a man for a piece of cake, but he was far too indifferent to ever do this. To kill a man is little work, but the clean up would be heavy, and it was something that both Darian and I lacked any experience in... or at least that's the excuse I gave my friends.

I gave more and more of my thought and energy to this Darian persona, trying to give him real life. Because I felt Darian was a real man, and I was basically a little girl. I tried as hard as I could, and could fully switch to what I believe was him. But I could feel that he was just a thought, a fleeting glimpse of something I would never be; Darian lacked a soul.

I realize now that despite me being about the best guy any girl could have, completely submissive to her desires, girls don't want a guy that does what they tell them. That's right, forget the stereotype. Women are evil incarnate, they lie without even realizing it, or they lie because they feel the truth would hurt too much.

Now, now I am ready. I give myself to you Darian. Take all that I am and make it better. Make me a man. Make me happy.

-----Start at the bottom and work your way up, MySpace sucks at reply shit.-----

Damn, I'm almost at a loss for words, I feel sorry for whatever thing you date, because your mouthiness would probably get him in a fight for his life.

What a stupid cunt. I'm gonna laugh when your son calls you a bitch too. Oh, *peers* daughter, sorry.

You don't deserve to be on my or anyone else's internets. So.....

gb2f4ilchan n00b b4 i pwn ur 455 lulz u fking gaiafag

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: I WILL SAY YES!!!!!!
Date: Apr 2, 2007 2:25 PM


umm yea everyone has there own stUff on there page and if you dont like there stuff then dont read it get over it you act like this is your site and no one can post anything if we want to post stupid shit then we will and you cant do anything about it and yes i am a BITCH proud of it AND YOU ARE A ROYAL DICK mypage on myspace is my site and everyone else on my friends list doesnt care what i post or how much i post. you seem to be the only one thats pissin and moanin about somthing stupid if you dont wanna have all these bullitins then i suggest you dont add people you dont know and if you look up "A FUCKING COCK SUCKER" it will have a picture of you as the definition. ive come to the conclusion that you are probably a loner and don't have anything better to do than start shit on the computer because in real life you would be the type that sits in the back of the class with his head down because your affraid that if you looked up you would get your ass kicked your like the little freak that nobody liked in school never had a girl because they couldnt stand to look at you and never had any friends so now you have to take everything out on other people because its over the internet where noone can reach you if it was face to face you would just put your head down and walk on bye anyway im sick of waisting time on you just get over it you fucking moron

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Adam
Date: Apr 2, 2007 2:04 PM


It's not called "MySpace" because it's actually YOUR space. It's not your site, those bulletins go to EVERYONE. You put that stuff on EVERYONE'S site, not just yours.

Damn, you're a royal bitch, eh?

And what is "afuckin cock suckier" anyway? Sounds French. Guess I'll check it out on Babelfish later.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: I WILL SAY YES!!!!!!
Date: Apr 2, 2007 10:04 AM


you are a dick its none of your buisness if we post stupid quizes if you dont like dont read its my right to do what i want with my site not yours so get over your self you fuckin asshole and by the way if you dont want my fuckin bullitens then delete me from your friends its not gonna hurt my feelings any i dont really want afuckin cock suckier like you as a friend anyway. no wait dont worry ill do the honors and delete you. and one more thing get over yourself you fuckin loser

----------------- Bulletin Message -----------------
From: Adam
Date: Apr 2, 2007 12:09 AM


Alright, I'm getting rather annoyed with this. Some of you people post 3-10 bulletins PER DAY. Two bulletins in a day is the limit. Seriously. The bulletin space is NOT a LiveJournal. Now, if a bulletin was telling me that you finally uploaded some pictures, that's perfectly okay. That's one of the uses of bulletins. If you posted in your blog, that's another use. Telling me what you think is the perfect guy, that is something that belongs in your blog. NOT on the bulletins.

If there was some big family emergency, and you had to disappear from the internets for a while, then by all means, post a bulletin. Better post a blog, too, because the bulletin space only holds 250 bulletins. And for people like me, who have over 100 friends, with quite a few of them posting 3-10 times per day, I most likely won't ever see your bulletin or even know what's going on.

If you really feel the need to post that many times in a day, then do it on a forum. I have a suggestion for one: http://www.screwattack.com

That site needs more people, they have videos to watch, and they don't mind too much if you post one retarded quiz a day, as long as you do it in the appropriate part of the forum.

And no, my account wasn't hacked, I send this bulletin of my own free will. And I'm serious. The bulletins are for important bulletins, everything else should be in your LJ, your MySpace blog, or your profile. A lot of you would do well to learn how to turn off certain ads from profile sites, as well. Not that hard to learn what code does what.

[01:14:38] <dingo> I hate cottage cheese, asparagus, the Dutch, and Thalos' tiny cock that he insists on shoving in me
[01:14:50] <dingo> buy a penis pump for god's sake
[01:14:54] <thalos> It's not tiny. D:
[01:15:13] <dingo> i go on a scale
[01:15:28] <dingo> it only has three points on it
[01:15:33] <dingo> tiny, huge, and neo
[01:15:39] <thalos> Hey, just because yours is freakishly large doesn't mean mine is tiny.
[01:16:08] <dingo> just because yours is tiny doesn't mean my is 'freakishly' large

-----

[22:39] <majorwood> god i can already feel my knees and hips giving away
[22:39] <majorwood> and wrinkles
[22:39] <majorwood> and hair loss
[22:39] <kingedgar0> It's all down hill from 17

----

[22:43] <kail{bed}> Jupi sucks
[22:43] <kail{bed}> :)
[22:43] * Joins: Jupi[NotHere] (Jupiter@makoto.jupinet.co.jp)
[22:43] <kail{bed}> Hi Jupi!
[22:43] <dingofoley> [22:43] <kail{bed}> Jupi sucks
[22:43] <dingofoley> [22:43] <kail{bed}> :)
[22:43] * DingoFoley dives into the foxhole
[22:43] <kail{bed}> HEY!
[22:43] <kail{bed}> Luckily he isn't actually there
[22:44] <kail{bed}> He has to reconnect every two hours
[22:44] <majorwood> unless someone EMAILS him the log of this conversation!!
[22:44] <majorwood> Just throwing that out there.
[22:44] <kail{bed}> Don't bother, he is too busy to read emails. He has a social life. :p
[22:45] * DingoFoley starts pasting to his MSN Messenger
[22:45] <majorwood> unless someone TEXT MESSAGES HIS CELL PHONE the log of this conversation!!
[22:45] <dingofoley> screw that
[22:45] <kail{bed}> o_o
[22:45] <kail{bed}> You people are crazy
[22:45] <dingofoley> i've got unlimited mobile to mobile AND his phone number
[22:45] <kail{bed}> What is he going to do to me?
[22:45] <majorwood> unless someone DICTATES the log of this conversation!!
[22:45] <majorwood> i'm just buggin
[22:46] <dingofoley> hop into mah truck, drive to canada, and pour molasses down your shirt
[22:46] <majorwood> besides........ you.........don't want to know......... what he'd do to you
[22:46] <kail{bed}> Okay, the LAST person I am scared of is Jupi o_o
[22:46] <majorwood> i'd be scared of jupi, he could kill you with his electrical cables behind his tv
[22:47] <kail{bed}> lol, well, I suppose that is true
[22:47] <kail{bed}> Mind you, he is no where near his computer
[22:47] <majorwood> oh see that's what you think
[22:48] <majorwood> in actuality he's watching the monitor, breathing heavily
[22:48] <kail{away}> lol, sure...
[22:52] * DingoFoley takes off his shoe
[22:52] * DingoFoley puts his sock on his hand
[22:52] <kail{away}> His shoe?
[22:52] * DingoFoley grabs MajorWood with the mandible claw
[22:52] <kail{away}> How does taking off your shoe help you use the phone?
[22:52] <kail{away}> You are odd...
[22:52] <kail{away}> I will be showing Jupi the process you had to go though to call him. lol
[22:53] * MajorWood swings a steel folding chair to dingo's family jewels
[22:53] <jupi[nothere]> er O_o
[22:54] <kail{away}> o_o
[22:54] * Jupi[NotHere] is now known as Jupi
[22:54] <kail{away}> uh oh
[22:54] <dingofoley> yay!
[22:54] <dingofoley> now i don't get pressured to call jupi anymore!
[22:54] <dingofoley> [22:52] <dingofoley> [22:51] <dingofoley> dingo has anxiety problems
[22:54] <dingofoley> [22:52] <dingofoley> like, really really bad
[22:54] <dingofoley> [22:53] <kail{away}> And what does calling him have to do with anything?
[22:54] <dingofoley> [22:54] <kail{away}> See if you had called him I would have known he was HOME!
[22:54] * DingoFoley dives into the foxhole again
[22:54] <jupi> oh, were people trying to call me?
[22:54] <dingofoley> no
[22:55] <majorwood> yeah
[22:55] <jupi> the battery on my phone went out a few hours ago
[22:55] <majorwood> no
[22:55] <kail{away}> It was your idea to call him... can I help it you were scared of him?
[22:55] <dingofoley> kailana was trying to get me to call you
[22:55] <kail{away}> Yes, I had a gun and everything
[22:55] <dingofoley> and it was loaded
[22:55] <kail{away}> Maybe
[22:55] <majorwood> yeah and she was like I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK TO JAIL, MAN
[22:55] <majorwood> and I was like WHOA and she was like wHOA
[22:56] <majorwood> then dingo landed nuts first on a steel folding chair
[22:56] <dingofoley> and she was afraid of being the star in a bondage gallery
[22:56] <kail{away}> You people are crazy o_o
[22:56] <majorwood> and then you came back
[22:56] <blue> oh oh, we're calling people? SOMEONE CALL ME! :D
[22:56] <majorwood> do eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet--no wait
[22:56] <blue> ryan call and we can have phone sex :D
[22:56] <dingofoley> also, my nuts broke ryan's favorite steel chair
[22:56] <majorwood> this is blue, it has to be a trap
[22:56] <kail{away}> Okay..
[22:56] * MajorWood occasionally attacks blue 2 to 8 times.
[22:57] <majorwood> can you guess what I am!
[22:57] <majorwood> LOL!
[22:57] <blue> omgnuu
[22:57] <majorwood> loooooooool
[22:57] <blue> kraken club ftw
[22:57] * DingoFoley builds himself a snow fortress and throws pies at kailana

----

[23:35] <kail{away}> TOM, Jupi's hitting on me. :p
[23:36] <kail{away}> Mind you, he's at work, but anyways
[23:36] <dingofoley> that's ok, because i'm hitting on tom
[23:36] <kail{away}> He's at work...
[23:36] <dingofoley> pssssh why do you get all the thexy men hittin on you, girl?
[23:36] <thalos> Kail would be fantastic at what, now? >_>
[23:36] <jupi> well, long as he's away
[23:36] * Jupi steals Kelly
[23:36] <kail{away}> I don't think so
[23:36] <thalos> SEE!? I KNEW JUPI WAS IN LOVE WITH KAIL!
[23:37] <thalos> I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW
[23:37] <kail{away}> ach!
[23:37] <jupi> rofl
[23:37] <dingofoley> loooooooooooool
[23:37] <thalos> Bah. I was hoping I stopped before the line breaking point. >_>
[23:37] <koshka> haha
[23:37] <kail{away}> He is not
[23:37] <thalos> Says the person who isn't Jupi. ;p
[23:38] <kail{away}> He better not be o_o
[23:38] <kail{away}> That better?
[23:38] <jupi> rofl
[23:38] <thalos> XD
[23:38] <|00Kevin|> o_O
[23:38] <jupi> don't run away from your feelings!
[23:38] <thalos> Jupi's laughing because it's true.
[23:38] <kail{away}> Oh, yes, I can't deny it anymore...
[23:39] <jupi> not like you ever could
[23:39] * DingoFoley sighs
[23:39] <kail{away}> I know
[23:39] * Jupi is irresistable
[23:39] * DingoFoley is now known as FatherDingo
[23:39] <fatherdingo> Dearly beloved
[23:39] <jupi> rofl
[23:39] <kail{away}> Jupi thinks too highly of himself
[23:39] <fatherdingo> We here r holdin a shotgun weddin
[23:39] <jupi> on the contrary, I don't think highly enough
[23:39] <fatherdingo> Thal, grab the bride and keep dat dere gun close
[23:39] <kail{away}> Really now
[23:39] <darkmagician> Jupi is a pessimistic person
[23:39] <kail{away}> I know
[23:40] <jupi> THK is the only one who TRULY knows me. ;_;
[23:40] <fatherdingo> truly?
[23:40] <thalos> YAY SHOTGUN WEDDING! :D
[23:40] <kail{away}> What did I do
[23:40] <thalos> I knew Jupi was in love with THK!
[23:40] <jupi> hahahaha
[23:40] <kail{away}> Jupi moves around a lot..
[23:41] <thalos> I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW
[23:41] <jupi> I'm a free spirit, or something.
[23:41] <thalos> >_>
[23:41] * FatherDingo grabs Kailana's butt, looks at Tom, and points at Kevin
[23:41] <kail{away}> Hey! Keep your paws off!
[23:41] <fatherdingo> woof
[23:41] <fatherdingo> damn
[23:42] <kail{away}> TOM!!!!
[23:42] <kail{away}> lol
[23:42] <fatherdingo> it's been a while since i was in a room-wide convo like this
[23:42] <thalos> #LSD hasn't been this entertaining in like... a year and a half. :o
[23:42] <kail{away}> haha, see, this is why I come in chat rooms
[23:43] <kail{away}> Jupi thinks I am fabulous... >.>
[23:43] <jupi> oh yes <3
[23:43] <fatherdingo> ever since blue put down his crack pipe for good,

Current Mood: amused

But maybe you didn't know.

Good God, I suck. Why didn't anyone tell me??

10 FAVORITES:
Favorite Color: Green? NO, BLUE! AAAAAAaaaaaagh!
Favorite Food: My great aunt June's tacos
Favorite Month: July
Favorite Song: Rough Sex by Lords of Acid
Favorite Sport: Baseball
Favorite Season: Spring. I love the rain.
Favorite Day Of the Week: Caturday (I need to leave 4chan alone)
Favorite Ice Cream Flavor: Chocolate chip cookie dough (ZOMG I ATED CHIP!)
Favorite Time of Day: 4:20? Stop with the stupid questions, damnit!
Favorite Feature on the Opposite Sex: Calf/shin/lower leg

9 CURRENTS:
Current Mood: Gwhuh? (Yes, that's a mood)
Current Taste: A bit of Mountain Dew left in my mouth.
Current Clothes: Blue jeans with a GIANT hole ripped in the butt, and an old work shirt.
Current Desktop: Not my choice, but a Mario collage thingy
Current Toenail Color: Pinkish, white when I push on it.
Current Time: 6:02am
Current Surroundings: Kitchen/dining room/living room all-in-one
Current Thoughts: "LiveJournal makes you feel even lonelier than normal."
Current Hair: Starting to grow out

8 FIRSTS:
First Best Friend: Jaret Martin
First Screen Name: Iceman2000
First Pet: Either one of the 8 million Rambo kittens we had, or Killer the puppy. Not sure who's on first, though.
First Piercing: Like I'm gonna have a piece of metal permanently stuck through a body part.
First Crush: First real crush ripped my heart out and shat upon it. I will not speak of it further
First Car: 2000 Mercury Mystique
First Job: Tutor
First Date: Never been on a real date.

7 LASTS:
Last Kiss: Erica
Last Drink: Some Mountain Dew
Last Movie Seen: Part of Sin City
Last Phone Call: Eric. Wanted the phone number for the auto parts shop.
Last CD Played: I have an iPad.
Last TV show watched: Heroes, but it was online.
Last Person you talked to: I don't talk to people. I say things at random intervals that passersby happen to overhear. They normally respond with gibberish.

6 HAVE YOU EVERS:
Have You Ever Dated One Of Your Best Guy/Girl Friends: Sadly, no.
Have You Ever Broken the Law: Repeatedly. I've even broken into places :E
Have You Ever Been Arrested: Been frisked, never cuffed. Wished it was a female cop.
Have You Ever Skinny Dipped: Uhh....
Have You Ever Been on TV: You would all know if I was.
Have You Ever Kissed Someone: Duh.

5 THINGS:
Things You're Wearing: My birthday suit.
Things You've Done Today: Today, I fixed the MX-3, tomorrow, THE FAIRLADY Z!!
Things You Can Hear Right Now: Ceiling fan, crickets, Powder breathing, computer fan, typing, my heartbeat, the fridge, the occasional click of the hard drive, and a slight whistle coming from the monitor. (I can hear when a muted television/monitor is on, don't need to see it)
Things You Can't Live Without: Cigarettes, they are my oxygen.
Things You Do When You're Bored: I try to write some on my novel, then I attempt to choose one of 700+ video games to play.

4 PLACES YOU'VE BEEN TODAY:
Inside, outside, leftside, downside :(

3 PEOPLE YOU CAN TELL ANYTHING TO:
Noone. There are things that I have done that noone would understand.

2 CHOICES:
Black or White: Twelve
Hot or Cold: Monosodium glutomate

1 THING YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
Give/receive a meaningful kiss.

Current Mood: ronery

And I'm only reposting this because it struck home...

I'm sorry
that i bought you roses
to tell you that i like you

I'm sorry
That I was raised with respect
not to sleep with you when you were drunk

I'm sorry
That my body's not ripped enough
to "satisfy" your wants

I'm sorry
that I open your car door,
and pull out your chair like I was raised

I'm sorry
That I'm not cute enough
to be "your guy"

I'm sorry
That I am actually nice;
not an asshole

I'm sorry
I don't have a huge bank account
to buy you expensive things

I'm sorry
I like to spend quality nights at home
cuddling with you, instead of at a club

I'm sorry
I would rather make love to you then just f**k you
like some random guy.

I'm sorry
That I am always the one you need to talk to,
but never good enough to date

I'm sorry
That I always held your hair back when you threw up,and didn't get mad at you for puking in my car,
but when we went out you went home with another guy


I'm sorry
That I am there to pick you up at 4am when your new man hit you and dropped you off in the middle of nowhere,
but not good enough to listen to me when I need a friend

I'm sorry
If I start not being there, and being used as a door mat, only to be thrown to the side when the new asshole comes around

I'm sorry
If I don't answer my phone anymore when you call, to listen to you cry for hours, instead of getting a couple hours of sleep before work

I'm sorry that you can't realize.. I've been the one all along.

I'm sorry
If you read this and know somebody like this
but don't care But most of all

I'm sorry
For not being sorry anymore

I'm sorry
That you can't accept me for who I am

I'm sorry
I can ever do anything right, and nothing that I do is good
enough to make it in your world.

I'm sorry
I caught your bf with another girl and told you about it, I thought that was what friends were for...

I'm sorry
That I told you I loved you and actually meant it.

I'm sorry
That I talked to you for nine hours on Thanksgiving when your bf was threatening you instead of spending time with my family.

I'm Sorry

That i cared

I'm sorry
that I listen to you at night talk about how you wish you could have done something different.

Ladies always bitch and bitch to their friends that there is never any good guys out there, and they always end up with assholes who mistreat them. Well ladies next time you're bitching, maybe look up to see who you're bitching to, maybe that special someone is right there hanging on your every word as usual, screaming in his head "Why won't you give me a chance?"
Because the person you are usually searching for is right by you.

If you're a guy and you agree with this letter, repost as "I'm sorry "

If You're one of the few girls with enough balls to repost, and you would never make your guy feel this way, repost as "To all the girls who look past the nice guys

I have just created a Myspace account (http://www.myspace.com/adoptthedingo) in which I place myself up for adoption. I have no idea WHAT the hell I'm doing, but... it seems like a good idea, so I'm gonna run with it.

If you see this entry, please find a way to spread my link across all the internets in any way you can.

If for some reason those parenthesis screwed up your copy/paste, http://www.myspace.com/adoptthedingo

Well, been bored all day, played some Super Mario World, I think we're up to "Way Cool" in the Special levels, and I'm stuck somewhere on Chocolate Island. Got bored with dying, so I beat the first course on Kirby's Dream Course, then I got on here. We really need more people in IRC, the net Max-Evolution, or more people playing our BlackNova Traders game at http://www.datechan.com/bnt

I also put some games up at http://www.datechan.com/forums/activity.php It has Breakout in there too, so if you're bored, go play.

--War is fun

Current Mood: bored